Let’s Talk about Forgiveness

In this society we talk a lot about forgiveness.  “Forgive and Forget.” How many times have any of us heard that most popular phrase? Many of us have been through some sort of ordeal where we feel someone has wronged us. We blame this person or these people for making us feel bad and sometimes go as far as to allow our interactions with them to mold future lives, experiences and reactions. We often say we have forgiven someone, but still harbor ill will or hurt feelings and continue to see these people in a negative light. But why?

When we continue to relive those things that have brought us pain, it doesn’t help. What it does is drag us back down to that bad feeling place and cause us to attract more instances where someone has an opportunity to wrong us again. In this way we give up our power. When we focus on that which we don’t want, we attract it to us whether we like that fact (yes fact) or not. When we say we have forgiven someone and we truly haven’t we are only lying to ourselves, worse we are hurting ourselves. When we feel ill will toward someone else, we are not forgiving them.

The thing is, no one has the power to create within our lives. So in actuality no one can wrong us, unless we attract it, unless we allow it. And the consistent hurt we chose (yes chose) to feel afterward is a result of us continuing to wallow in those feelings and thoughts that harm us. As long as we are willing to accept that someone else can cause us harm, then we will continue to attract situations in which we appear to be the victim.

I propose that we learn to work on true forgiveness. Work to no longer wish ill upon those that have harmed us or feel bad at the thought or idea of them. I am encouraging all of us to get to a place, where we can wish these people well and see them with love in our hearts. Whatever we focus on whether we intend it for ourselves or others we tend to draw unto ourselves. So focusing positively upon others especially those we feel have wronged us, helps us take our power back.

Finally, we need to learn to forgive ourselves. We need to cut ourselves some slack for making mistakes and unknowingly putting ourselves in positions that have the potential to cause us harm. By acknowledging when we have done this to ourselves, we will better be able to avoid attracting harmful situation in the future. Sometimes growth can hurt, but if we can make it through the other side there is usually tremendous growth waiting for the taking.

Quote of the Week

"If true love has been eluding you, I suggest looking inside your self. The love - or lack of love - you see in others, is a direct reflection of the love you feel for your self." Gene Anger

What an amazing realization. I have heard through various resources, that we are only able to see in others, that which exists within ourselves. I can’t keep count of the amount of people I’ve come across in life looking for love… especially in the wrong places. Not only is this quote about love, but self love. I don’t think the majority of people I’ve met truly understood the enormity of self love. When we truly love ourselves we tend to be more loving toward others.

When we are bitter and/or angry about something, it’s usually because of something we’re lacking in our own lives. For example, when we get angry at a millionaire for “squandering” his/her money it’s usually because we are viewing life from a position of lack. We are upset that we don’t have the abundance that we feel the millionaire has and so we are bitter because we are not able to enjoy our lives as freely as they appear to be doing. I’ve seen the same thing happen with love or affection. I can’t tell you how many people I’ve met, that hate public displays of affection. Now I will admit I don’t want to see two people practically humping each other in the middle of Wal-Mart, but a sweet kiss shared or the holding of hands isn’t something to be frowned upon, after all who is it really hurting? Why would we begrudge two people in love their experience?

Often people look to find flaws in their relationships (this is includes friendships). When we look to find flaws, what does that say about us? Are we looking for their flaws so ours won’t seem so bad? Are we trying to find something wrong with them first before they can find something wrong with us? If we let our guards down long enough perhaps we could take a moment and decide if we are looking for things that make someone else unworthy for us or if we ourselves are the ones who truly feel unworthy. When you know that you are worthy of only good things, then only good things will come, because that is where your focus will lie. All love starts within and flows out, not the other way around. We will never find someone to give us the love we need to feel whole. That power only lies within us and when we find it and cherish it we will notice how it shines through every experience and relationship we have. There is no love like self love.