Let’s Talk about Forgiveness

In this society we talk a lot about forgiveness.  “Forgive and Forget.” How many times have any of us heard that most popular phrase? Many of us have been through some sort of ordeal where we feel someone has wronged us. We blame this person or these people for making us feel bad and sometimes go as far as to allow our interactions with them to mold future lives, experiences and reactions. We often say we have forgiven someone, but still harbor ill will or hurt feelings and continue to see these people in a negative light. But why?

When we continue to relive those things that have brought us pain, it doesn’t help. What it does is drag us back down to that bad feeling place and cause us to attract more instances where someone has an opportunity to wrong us again. In this way we give up our power. When we focus on that which we don’t want, we attract it to us whether we like that fact (yes fact) or not. When we say we have forgiven someone and we truly haven’t we are only lying to ourselves, worse we are hurting ourselves. When we feel ill will toward someone else, we are not forgiving them.

The thing is, no one has the power to create within our lives. So in actuality no one can wrong us, unless we attract it, unless we allow it. And the consistent hurt we chose (yes chose) to feel afterward is a result of us continuing to wallow in those feelings and thoughts that harm us. As long as we are willing to accept that someone else can cause us harm, then we will continue to attract situations in which we appear to be the victim.

I propose that we learn to work on true forgiveness. Work to no longer wish ill upon those that have harmed us or feel bad at the thought or idea of them. I am encouraging all of us to get to a place, where we can wish these people well and see them with love in our hearts. Whatever we focus on whether we intend it for ourselves or others we tend to draw unto ourselves. So focusing positively upon others especially those we feel have wronged us, helps us take our power back.

Finally, we need to learn to forgive ourselves. We need to cut ourselves some slack for making mistakes and unknowingly putting ourselves in positions that have the potential to cause us harm. By acknowledging when we have done this to ourselves, we will better be able to avoid attracting harmful situation in the future. Sometimes growth can hurt, but if we can make it through the other side there is usually tremendous growth waiting for the taking.

Other People’s Opinions

From personal experience I know that a good deal of us (maybe all at one point or another) spend a lot of time viewing ourselves from the viewpoint of someone else. You disagree? What about our parents, significant others, bosses, even our children? Do we not do things to keep them happy? Do we not look into our actions to see if they would be acceptable to others? And what about the idea of respect? Is it more important to behave in a manor that we think will earn us respect from others or in a manner that is, more aimed toward self respect… and don’t say both. What if the opportunity arises where it has to be one or the other, how would most of us choose?

Yes I do realize we live in a world with other people and we want to give some consideration to that knowledge, but how much? I have seen too many, live life practically looking over their shoulders. “I can’t behave in this manner, because someone else won’t approve.” And most of the time these behaviors won’t cause any harm to us, or the others surrounding us. Still, we refuse to follow what we want because it’s unpopular or frowned upon for who knows what reason? Should the opinions of others matter that much that we stifle our true selves under a blanket of false security? “If I behave this way then people will like me or respect me.” Well, excuse me if I’m inclined to disagree.

If people really want to, they will search until they find a reason not to like us. Worse, there is nothing we can do about it. We can bend over backwards trying to make ourselves into an acceptable person according to other people’s standards, but that doesn’t guarantee they’ll like us. Moreover, why does it matter so much? If we truly love ourselves for who we are, then wouldn’t we spend more time trying to be the people we think we should be, instead of what someone else thinks we should be? If we truly cared about our own personal wellbeing wouldn’t we nourish and care for ourselves in a manner that’s best for us? When we really take a moment to think about it, what is the true reason we care so much what other people think? Is their opinion really that important in the grand scheme of things? Can they live our lives for us? Is someone else to be the judge of what’s best for us when they can’t even walk in our shoes? There is a fine line between taking healthy advice from others who care for us and letting someone else run our lives for their best interest. Just a little food for thought.  

Love,