Relationship Issues

Oh yeah this is a biggie and what I have to say probably won’t make me any friends… but oh well here it goes. All (yes I do mean all) of the issues I know of or have heard of come from someone trying to impose their desires on someone else. I have come across way too many people who are looking for someone outside of themselves, to make them happy or whole. Right here, this one thing is an automatic relationship fail! Yes, it is absolutely true.

Here’s the thing. All of us that are aware and accepting of the fact that our thoughts create our realities, in turn have to be aware that we are the ONLY ones who CAN create within our realities. What does this mean? It means that we are the only ones responsible for our happiness by way of monitoring our thoughts. It also means that everyone else is responsible for their own happiness by way of monitoring their own thoughts. No one exists to create happiness for someone else, we are here to create it for ourselves, when we are happy with ourselves it is much easier to spread genuine happiness to others.

I want us to all take a moment and think about any possible issues we currently have with our significant others. Are we basing our happiness on their actions or reactions toward us? Does this not go directly against the belief system of creating our reality by using our thoughts? If we think it and believe it, then it is (or eventually will be if we continue to pay specific attention to it). So if all of your happiness, in any specific relationship, is based upon what someone else is or isn’t doing for you, then you’ve got a problem and you will ALWAYS have problems.

Instead of BLAMING (I talk about this blame thing a lot don’t I?) your S/O for what you feel they are doing wrong, why don’t you try to work the situation around in your mind until you feel better? One thing we will never be able to do is “control” what anyone else is doing. So maybe we should just stop trying to. It causes more stress in relationships than anything else. Too often we want to guide our loved one’s behavior by what makes US feel good, but we sure don’t want them to do that to us. If we can’t find a way to create some common ground, where we can learn to accept each other as we already are and still find a way to be happy in our own lives, then our relationships will never be at peace. Everything starts from the inside out, not the other way around.

Love,  

Quote of the Week

“We can’t solve problems by using the same kind of thinking we used when we created them.”
Albert Einstein

Wow what genius! LOL okay I couldn’t help myself. ;) But really this statement is quite profound. Many of us create problems by continuing to pursue our current pattern of thinking. We use the things we’ve experienced in life to try and create excuses reasons for why our lives are the way they are. Consistently we create conflicts, issues and problems within our own lives (I am certainly no exception). Then we try to “fix” our problems the hard way while continuing to think the same poisonous thoughts that dropped us into the unwanted situations in the first place. Sounds a bit counterproductive doesn’t it?   

What I think the quote really means is, if we really want to solve our problems or move onto bigger and better we first must change our thoughts. We can’t possibly use the same patterns of thought that got us into our problems to now solve those same issues. Bit by bit, day by day we have the power to change our thoughts to something more positive and conducive to our much deserved wellbeing. And as we begin these changes we will see the results manifested within our own lives. Thus if we can change the way we think we can change the way we live on a dynamic level. Let's give it a try, shall we?

Love,

Selfish? Oh am I?

Countless people have accused me of being selfish or promoting selfishness… well, I guess it’s a possibility. Let’s do a little research on the word, shall we? This is how the Word English Dictionary defines it:

1.      chiefly concerned with one's own interest, advantage, etc, esp to the total exclusion of the interests of others 

2.      relating to or characterized by self-interest

Interesting, now how about some synonyms:

Self-interested, Self-indulgent, “Out for Number One” (yes I really did find that one as a synonym for Selfish), Prejudiced (what that has to do with selfishness I don’t really get, but whatever)

Now it appears to me that it’s much more “popular” in society to take the first definition and run with it. Selfish is damn near (oh yes I did go there) the worst thing ever, the root of all horribleness and evil in the world. Basically, it is popular belief that to be selfish is bad, bad, bad. But it is my belief that this is an extremist view point.

Personally, I am a believer in moderation and if one remains balanced in their thoughts and actions (which they will of they are always in alignment with source) then selfishness may not be such a bad thing… at least according to definition number two. “Relating to or characterized by self-interest,” to me, sounds pretty normal and even expected. To sum it up, it seems like this definition means that each individual person sees life through his/her own personal perspective. But how is this bad? Who else’s perspective are we supposed to use to observe life? It’s literally impossible to live life from the viewpoint of some else. We can’t experience life through someone else’s body, emotions or thoughts. Even if we can understand them, we still understand them through our own POV. That’s just plain and simple the way it is.

Also, who is going to take care of us if we don’t take care of ourselves? While others are out there sacrificing their very lives in the very name of “doing what’s right” (and what’s right is all a matter of personal perspective based on individual beliefs… so we all use a selfish point of view when deciding on what’s “right”) they are expecting in turn that someone else is going to take care of them. Even worse, they are angry when someone else won’t, and then want to call others “selfish” for not doing for them what they should be doing for themselves. Just keepin’ it real.

Maybe if we worked on ourselves, and tried to have the best lives possible then we would be less angry with others, who don’t want to turn their lives upside down for our causes. Perhaps if we took better care of ourselves we would be able to contribute more effectively, not only to ourselves but to anyone else as well. If we are steeped in unhappiness, how can we pass on happiness? If we are broke and can’t pay our bills, how can we contribute to someone else’s worthy cause? If we are in poor health, how can we take care of our children and other loved ones effectively? If we don’t take care of self first, how can we have anything to offer someone else? Is selfishness a bad thing, well I guess it’s all a matter of perspective, isn’t it? Just a little food for thought.

Love,

Quote of the Week

"The man who trims himself to suit everybody will soon whittle himself away." Charles Schwab

When I first read this, I was just stunned at the simplicity, yet power of this statement. Too often, we spend our time trying to present ourselves in a way that pleases the people around us, instead of working to feel good about who we really are or want to be. We all do it on some level, it’s hard not to, since society often tells us it’s the “right” thing to do. Often it would seem society tells us that being ourselves isn’t good enough. Commercials boast of age defying makeups, quick weight loss scams… um I mean techniques or diets, tanning facilities and endless photos of perfectly airbrushed people. How is any of this conducive to self acceptance?

But, we don’t only try to appease our pears with our physical appearance; we also try to do it with our actions and personalities. Wouldn’t it serve us better to care more about how our behavior affects the quality of our own lives, than those around us? I think it’s a shame that trying to please ourselves is often perceived as “selfish” and heaven forbid someone have enough self-esteem to actually positively acknowledge they are good at something. Then we are just considered to be full of ourselves, self-important or conceited. Why are we supposed to be these humble people who go around down playing our accomplishments and talents so that others don’t feel bad about what they don’t have? I mean really?

When it comes down to it, we can only view our lives through our own point of view. So why not feel the best about yourself that you positively can. Letting others, in their own way, control how we act and behave isn’t serving us or anyone else. When we live up to our full potential and are in alignment with our true selves (inner being, soul, source, take your pick) then we are at our best and have the best potential to help not only ourselves but others as well. Our inner being only sees us a pure, radiant love energy and that’s how we should all work to see ourselves as well.

The Victim Mentality

This is a topic that upsets A LOT of people. When we feel someone has wronged or hurt us in some way we want to lash out. We want to dump every bit of the blame for the situation in their lap. This is a severe issue we have with blame. Life has taught us that to do something “wrong” or make mistakes is bad, bad, bad. When anyone ever does anything, wrong (especially if it’s something we perceive to be major) we as a society harp on it forever and ever and often publically flog people for their perceived wrong doings. So of course, when something bad happens to us it’s that much harder to take responsibility for our part in creating it.

When something “bad” happens to us, instead of trying to see the truth of how we created it and how we can learn to better create within our lives, we throw stones at the people we feel caused it. Since the only things that can manifest in our lives, are the things that we’ve created with our thoughts, it would make sense to reason that if someone has done some type of harm to us, it’s because we have somehow been focusing on that, which we don’t want and now someone has come along, in order to help us achieve it, by way of the law of attraction. Most people say, “That’s ridiculous, I don’t WANT bad things to happen, so what you say can’t be true.” But, I didn’t say that we only create what we want within our lives, I said we create based on where our thoughts are focused for the majority of the time. How many of us ONLY focus our attention upon things we want? I’m sorry, but the honest answer is, not one of us. Constantly, we focus on the things we’re afraid of, things we are against and things we don’t like. So, by focusing on these things we attract the essence and eventually the manifestation of them into our lives.

Let me make this clear. This isn’t a guilt laden post filled with “you are doing wrong by thinking about unwanted things” type of post. This post is about helping bring to light that fact that we are creating everything that happens to us. And, instead of placing the ball into someone else’s court and saying, “Fix what you messed up for me,” we can take the time to pay attention to the thoughts we consistently think and work to be more positive in our outlook toward life. This way, we will be able to place ourselves in more positions, to experience less of what we don’t want and more of what we do. By blaming someone else for the bad things that happen to us, we are focusing on that bad thing and reliving it over and over in our minds, which then draws more experiences that feel bad. But, when we take responsibility in the creation of our manifestations, through our thoughts, we can decide the path our lives will take. Possibly, we can work to avoid even having experiences that cause us to want to cast blame in the first place. A little food for thought. *wink*

Love,

Quote of the Week

"He who is not contented with what he has, would not be contented with what he would like to have."
Socrates

"Gratitude can turn a negative into a positive. Find a way to be thankful for your troubles and they can become your blessings." Author Unknown

I usually only do one quote at a time but these were right on time.  They tie in together so perfectly. The first (to me) states that if we can’t appreciate what we have now, then how will we ever be able to appreciate the things we desire. A lot of us want so many things because we are unhappy with what we have… but as a lot of us know we only attract what we are consistently thinking about, always. We are always in our now, no matter how much we think about or pasts or futures. Our feelings, emotions and thoughts are telling us what we are currently attracting, so why not work to make every thought and every moment better.  If we have a feeling of discontentment about our current lives then all we are going to attract is further discontentment. Have you ever seen miserable people who are rich or seem to have it all or poor people who seem to be perfectly happy and enjoying life? There’s something about that and it’s called appreciation. The universe can always tell when we are genuinely appreciative of what we have and so can we, by the quality of life we appear to be living. Since life is always occurring right now, we can never live in the past or future, why not try our best to make the most of right now and appreciate what we already have?

So, the next quote helps us right along with that whole concept. We all have experiences we wish we could have avoided or that we feel have affected us in a negative way. Question, was it the experience that made us feel bad or did we feel bad first, which then caused us to attract the so-called negative experience? Everything about life is in how we perceive it. If we view something as negative then we feel bad, if we view it as positive then we feel good. So, what if we worked to view the so-called bad things in a more positive, beneficial matter.  What if we stopped stressing over the outside forces we can’t control and work to just do our part in creating a more positive and successful future and present? What if we did find a way to be thankful for our troubles, acknowledge how we’ve grown from them and accept them as the blessings and life lessons they really are. From experience, I can honestly say that my life feels amazingly better when I am working to be positive instead of negative. They both take work so I’ve decided to aim as much of my energy into being positive even when things initially appear to be negative.