Avoidance

Sooooooooo… maybe I’ve discovered that I may have been avoiding things. Sure everyone avoids things, but these things could be a detriment (and in some cases are) to my overall growth and wellbeing. Recently, I was once again presented with an opportunity to face emotions from a past experience (long past).  I’m not sure if you’ve ever avoided something due to feeling inept or just plain ole’ uncomfortable, but I have… and apparently I still was. Last week I finally allowed myself to deal with some seemingly jumbled up emotions I had been refusing to deal with. I knew deep inside the vortex of uneasiness swirling within me had the potential to take me to a place of sadness or even anger, that I had no desire to visit. On the other hand there was also the potential that if I faced the truth, the root of those feelings, that all could be resolved and I would receive clarity.

After all this time I was able to take the plunge, and put my ego aside in order to choose clarity. The time had come to face my true feelings about past experiences, accept them as they were and allow myself to prosper. I allowed my thoughts and feelings to go deep within and hash out all of the causes for the clutter. During my journey I permitted myself to acknowledge the true feelings I had regarding past experiences, instead of just what my ego thought I should feel.  I let go of the denial and embraced the bare-naked reality. I mourned what felt like the loss of something wonderful, so that I could let go and make space for something even better, even greater to fill this now wonderfully open space. I decided to no longer block the manifestations of what I did want in order to hold on to past experiences of what I did not want. And so it was and still is.